Evelyn is delivering the weather on RTÉ One, which means we are mere minutes away from Bressie’s cheekbones, Sharon’s underpants and the rest of The Voice gang. ‘Citing.

And we’re off. The scary music accompanied by Kathryn warning that “tonight, they have no protection… and have to give the performance of a lifetime”. She has the heart crossways in us.

I have invited my ma to view this week’s Voice with me, so hopefully some of her pearls of wisdom will keep us entertained over the next two hours. As Jamelia’s team entertain us with a group performance, we’re frantically trying to get our heads around the complicated performing and scoring system. Hold us.

Kathryn looks like Madonna with her hair like that. Thoughts?

Eoghan McDermott is in the Engine Room of The Helix. His hair has reached new heights. He tells us that Bressie will be doing a special performance this evening. Bring on the Mullingar Massive.

Sinead and Shannon are up to battle fi… HOLD ON! We’ve just caught sight of Bressie in that lovely grey suit. Those cheekbones.

Shannon is bravely taking on some AC/DC’s You Shook Me All Night Long. There is a bunch of strapping lads with no tops on dancing behind her. Bressie says people aren’t just voting for her because “they like her hair”.

She does have nice hair though. Her dress is fierce tight. We can see her emotions.

(My ma chiming in there)

Hmmm Shannon is getting a bit of a pasting. 7 from Jamelia, 6 from Shazzer. Bressie can’t give her points this week, and says he would give her an 8 if he was allowed to score her this week. He looks like he might have a cry. Hankies at the ready ladies.

Shannon, her hair, and Madonna.

MB in the comments section wants to know:

What’s with Sharon Corr’s right eyebrow?

We’re on it MB. We shall investigate.

We liked Sinéad’s performance, AND she’s wearing a onesie. The judges are not with us though. She’s gotten fives and sixes.

Kian is being very quiet. What has he got up his sleeve?

Right MB, let’s have a look at this eyebrow.

You’re RIGHT! There is an element of elevation there. No knickers on the dress though. Disappointing.

John Gaughan just had us lepping around with Jake Bugg’s Lightning Bolt. He’s studying for his Leaving Cert and is so cute we want to stuff him into our pockets.

The judges aren’t too impressed though. They are as CRANKY this evening.

Eoghan just made a booby:

Mark is up next for Shazzer’s team. My ma thinks “he’s a bit of a dose, but he’s not bad”. Tough crowd Mark.

Kian wants Mark to lift him out of his seat instead of “prancing around the stage”.

Mark is looking at Kian like he wants to lift him out of his seat with a belt.

Kian and Shazzer are now having a row after Kian said that Mark is “no Olly Murs”. Neither are you Kian, neither are you.

Rows is what we want though. HANDBAGS.

Earlier Shazzer and Kazzer compared John and Mark to Danny De Vito and Arnie in Twins. Imagine you had John AND Danny in your pocket. Living the dream.

“Yeah Arnie, you’re right, Bressie IS a ride”

Kian’s lads are up next.

Andy sings first. He’s said he’s going to get Kian’s face tattooed on his arse if he gets to the final. Please tiny baby Jesus let this happen. Please.

Also, lest we forget:

Did anyone hear Eoghan McDermot’s sly little dig at some of his RTÉ colleagues’ salaries there?

Hold up! Ray is doing a Massive Attack song. My ma is impressed.

We dread to think what he’d be doing with his hands if he didn’t have that guitar to hold though.

Kathryn has goosebumps.

Here’s the original, in case you want to compare. We think he did a pretty good job. Ray also has a spectacular beard. We do enjoy a good beard.

Phew an ad break. Time for a breather. And this:

You’ve been giving us your thoughts on Kathryn’s look this evening. We think she’s got a touch of the Madonnas going on.

Anna Lark in the comments says:

The first time in two seasons she looks like she choose her look herself. She seems more comfortable on stage, approachable and warm.

@HappyMrsh on Twitter thinks:

While our own Gav Reilly says she’s the spit of Nicola from Fair City.

Kathryn. Earlier.

Jamelia’s gang are up next with Róisín singing some Amy Winehouse and wearing an inexplicable hat.

As an aside, is anyone else terrified of Jamelia? She gives a fairly expert stink eye.

It’s time for another investigation. What is the story with Bressie’s socks? Anyone?

Wayne R-n-Beatty up next. He is totally pulling off a suit, a pair of runners and a baseball cap and is getting mucho love from the judges.

My ma is incredulous at the cap:

Sure isn’t he inside?

The divisive cap:

ARGH! They’ve mashed up Róisín’s Taylor Swift performance from a couple of weeks back with the infamous Trouble goats.

A little reminder:

Trouble WAAAAAAAH, trouble WAAAAAAAAAH. It’ll never get old.

ALERT! Bressie is singing. We might mute it and put on this in the background:

My ma’s thoughts on Bressie:

All he says is “show me love”.

She’s not impressed. He is, she reminds me, from the same place as Joe Dolan though. Like I said, tough crowd.

Jamelia has given Bressie a 2. Sharon’s given him a 5. Eoghan just lost it at Kian a bit because of his interminable waffling.

Oh my giddy arse. Eoghan is making the judges read out mean tweets about themselves. Live.

We want to look away but we can’t.

Bressie has been told he’s crapper at music than he is at rugby, somebody wants to punch Kian in the face like an iron, Jamelia looks like a horse, and Sharon ‘Bore’ needs to eat a sandwich.

Here’s what we think they were going for:

Eoghan said “breast” again. We sniggered. Because we are five.

RESULTS AND SQUEAKY BUM TIME! Sinead is through to the next round with her onesie. Shannon will have to wait to see if she’s thrown a lifeline.

John is through too.

Good.

That’s from my ma.

Ray had a ‘massive attack*’ of nerves there, but he’s through.

*Sorry, that was awful.

And it’s Wayne who’s through from Jamelia’s team.

Now, who will be saved? Shannon, Mark, Andy or Roisin?

“ME NERVES”

Aaaaand it’s….

SHANNON.

She of the AC/DC and the tight dress. Kathryn is lost for words. Kian says it’s “not right”. There is a dreadful sense of foreboding.

Andy says he might still get the tattoo of Kian’s face on his bum.

Some more inspiration here:

So that’s it, over for another week. That was emotional kids. And we never did get our eyes around Bressie’s socks.

So it’s Shannon, Ray, Sinéad, Wayne and John who are through.

Things we learned during this journey together:

• Sharon Corr needs a sandwich
• Far too many people have disturbing Westlife tattoos
• Bressie’s charms are wasted on my ma
• Ray for president

In a traditional Irish farewell we’ll say bye, bye, ba-bye, byebyebyebye, bye, until next week.