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ALL BY MYYYYSEEEELLLF, don’t wanna live all by myyyyseeelllf, anymooooore…
The stages of a breakup area always the same – people might tell you to get outside and enjoy yourself, but in reality there’s nothing better than a good wallow.
Friday 8 November, 2024
Friday 8 November, 2024
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10 things absolutely everyone does after a breakup, not just you
ALL BY MYYYYSEEEELLLF, don’t wanna live all by myyyyseeelllf, anymooooore…
The stages of a breakup area always the same – people might tell you to get outside and enjoy yourself, but in reality there’s nothing better than a good wallow.
1. Eat absolute sh*te
Pizza in bed! You might get a little garlic dip on the sheet, but who cares, right?
2. Consider writing a drippy Instagram/Facebook post
NOW EVERYONE SHALL KNOW YOUR PAIN.
3. Go on one mad sesh that ends in tears*
*The tears may be literal or figurative.
Your pals will toss a coin to see who has to bring you home, and no one will be happy about it.
4. Wake up from that mad sesh to discover the Inbox of Shame
And the worst thing is – they haven’t replied. *prays for the sweet release of death*
5. Make a dodgy Spotify playlist filled with ballads
An eclectic mix of Mariah Carey, Bright Eyes, and Miley Cyrus. Just gonna stick that one on private.
6. Say you’ll “show them”
You’re gonna prove to them that you’re over it! (You’re not over it.)
7. Get an ill-advised haircut/start growing a beard
Look at you. You’re showing them.
8. Block, then unblock, then block your ex again
It just seems so drastic. But essential! But drastic.
9. Interrupt normal conversations with “But can you just BELIEVE that?”
You can’t stop talking about them for two seconds. Congratulations, you’ve become the worst friend in the world.
10. And finally, get the hell over it
*You Can Call Me Al begins to play*
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