THE LEAVING CERT holidays are an Irish institution. Watch out Santa Ponsa, Crete, Magaluf… they’re coming.

Here’s what to expect.

1. Beers at the airport

Or alcopops, of course. Even when you’re going at 6am because it was the cheapest flight.

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2. When you’ll arrive you’ll talk about three things

• How hot it is
• How cheap the booze is
• How crap the milk is

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3. Flags will be put in the windows and from balconies

County colours will also be worn out and every available opportunity.

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4. Some odd variation of fast food will be wolfed down on the daily

Local cuisine? Nah. Fake KFC please!

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5. The most touristy you’ll see is the dark insides of bars on Strip

What more would you even want?

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6. Novelty hena tattoos are everywhere

Usually done as a joke after a feed of pints for the #bants.

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7. The only way anyone will get into the pool is if they’re sleeping on an inflatable

Pool plus hangover. Neh.

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8. Fishbowls will be consumed on a nightly basis

Bonus points for dozens of sparklers hanging out of them.

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9. A boat party WILL be attended

Tickets will be bought from some chancer for an extortionate amount of money, but it will be the TIME OF YOUR LIFE.

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10. The beach is an absolute write-off

Unless you’re staying on it, the pool is the only place you can tolerate right now. Pay extra for a bed? G’way.

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11. Clothes will constantly be everywhere

Everyone has overpacked and all anyone wants to do is wear their swimming togs.

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12. Lads will constantly point at each other

And so so many photos of the event will be taken.

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13. There’ll be so much shifting

My name? Oh you don’t need to know that, English person.

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14. People leave paler than they arrive

Or with some very creative tanlines.

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15. Someone you’ve made friends with will get one of these and scare the beejsus out of everyone

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16. But you’ll always have one of these to take home

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