AH, YOU GOTTA love the summer holidays. Especially if you’re staying in a caravan an hour away from your house.
1. Someone will get sick in the car
You’re only going about two hours away but someone will need a sick bag in between bouts of I Spy and stopping for 99s.
2. Your accommodation will be a caravan, holiday home, or a massive tent
Will all seven of you fit? Why yes, sure the dining table turns into a bed.
3. The hostile local kids will create somewhat of a rivalry
With you lot, AND the kids across in the posh camping site. Who do they actually think they are?
4. There’s always a dog you’re afraid of
Jesus CHRIST whyweren’t there more fences around to keep them off you?
5. Nobody ever wins anything on the amusements
Even as a child, you weren’t immune to that empty feeling you got from putting your prized 20p into the slot and getting no return.
6. You’ll always swim in the bleak sea nearby, even in the rain
It DOES smell vaguely of wee and seaweed, but it’s the only chance you’ll get for a dip. You’ll be finding sand for days, and someone will always get stung by a jellyfish while out boogieboarding–but it’s so worth it.
7. Jars will be emptied to catch pinkeens
Only the fancy kids had the special nets.
8. There will be deck chairs constantly blocking the boot
Permanently folded and always in the boot because you never got the weather to stop.
9. Dozens of sandy sandwiches WILL be consumed
Will you stop MOVING the sand is going everywhere.
10. You’ll have to run away from seagulls and bees with ice cream and candy floss
Eeeeeevil.
11. Pedalos will be rented and no one will know what they expected
So you can go on a dozen trips around the tiny lake until you get exhausted enough to be able to sleep in that sleeping bag.
12. The grimmest of boardgamesare always the go-to entertainment
When it was too wet for the beach you’d stay in and play whatever boardgames you could find in the caravan. Or else just a classic game of Snap!
13. Someone won’t be able to resist the wet slides and swings and will come back soaked and covered in mud
Well, they’re NOT coming into the caravan like that.
14. The rubbish local ‘shop’ will be your constant source of sugar
Let’s be real, it’s a hut. Now, what to get on the sly today…
15. You’ll promise to stay in touch with your new mates when you go home
But you never did. Until next year, lads.
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