IT’S SOMETHING WE all dread.

New job, new flat-share, first trip away with your other half – there is nothing as mortifying as getting caught stinking the place up.

But as the song says, “You Are Not Alone.”

Of course, when it comes to bathroom habits, that is actually the problem.

Here’s our guide to doing it right.

1. Know how to poo?

Did you know that you can actually learn how to do the perfect work poop?

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2. The A-ROMAnce of it all

When on holidays with your partner, always use the restaurant bathroom, or the one in the hotel lobby that you are staying in.

Try to avoid this reaction at all costs.

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3. Pack Mentality

It is a truth universally acknowledged that women go to the bathroom in groups.

However, if your style is more ‘thunder’ than ‘tinkle’, it’s time to man up and go it alone.

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4. SBS – Shy Bladder Syndrome

The unwritten rule is: If there is more than one urinal available, DO NOT stand next to the only other guy in there.

Not cool.

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5. Silence is Golden

The men’s room is not the place for Chatty Cathys. See SBS above.

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6. Pees and Queues

There is nothing worse than a queue when all you want is a pee.

This mostly happens in women’s bathrooms. See no. 3 for reason and solution.

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7. Making Scents of it

Anyone for Poo-Pourri? Worth a try, I suppose.

If nothing else, this ad has to be seen to be believed.

8. The Flush Fluster

It’s up there with “Did I turn off the immersion?” That feeling of dread that you may not have flushed the toilet that you share with three other flatmates.

Or an entire office at work who saw you go in.

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9. The Kids are in the Pool

Ok, you tried to hold it back and failed. You tried to do damage control and failed.

In your mind, everyone you see is looking at you like this,

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Or this

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10. Oh well, Sh*t Happens!

In fact, it happens to the best of us. Right, Meryl?

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And remember, there’s always someone with a more embarrassing story than yours.

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