1. You have one of those little token things on your keys for the trolley at Tesco
2. You instinctively clutch at the paw of the nearest person when you’re crossing the road
3. You notice flower beds
4. You hoover under rugs, not just around them
5. You have weighed your suitcase on the bathroom scales before going to the airport
6. In fact, you’ve purchased one of those special suitcase-weighing devices
7. There’s actually some really nice stuff in M&S this year
8. There’s nothing in Topshop. Nothing
9. You can regularly be seen swinging out of the Oh Jesus handle in the passenger seat of the car, muttering “would you SLOW DOWN would you?”
10. You’re going to use that courgette that’s about to go off in the fridge if it kills you
11. You have a plant that you bought in an actual garden centre, rather than in a fit of notions in the supermarket
12. You have at least one “good” towel
13. You’ve started to see the appeal of fake Christmas trees
14. You’ve taken something from a hotel breakfast buffet ‘for later’
15. Y0u’ve purchased a pair of ‘good’ shoes from Clarks
16. You’ve noted the lack of a coat on a youth, and subsequently wondered how they’re not freezing
17. You think Jay and Aliona are going to win Strictly but my isn’t Peter Andre doing well?
18. You’ve asked for a cookbook for Christmas. Jamie maybe. You do like Jamie.
19. The very idea of someone not going down for a hotel breakfast makes you clutch at your craw
20. You appreciate and understand how value club cards are benefitting your life and you always produce yours at the till
21. You do an involuntary sigh when a group of youths get on the bus
22. You own a good frying pan. Grand heavy bottom on it
23. You have specific cleaning instructions for that frying pan
24. God you love that frying pan
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