WHENEVER YOU HAVE to get a job in Ireland, one thing that is always suggested is to go work in as a waitress/waiter.

As a summer sweet child you imagine Rachel in Friends swanning around a cafe, drinking loads of coffee and never doing a tap of work. It sounds like the dream.

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In reality there is a lot of cleaning, a lot of biting your lip and you learn a surprising amount about how terrible people can be.

Here are 13 things that will haunt you forever from having worked in this cursed industry.

1. The pay is terrible.

You’d be getting minimum wage while your friend who managed to swing a job got €11 an hour for doing nothing except TYPING.

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2. The hours are long.

Somehow 8 hours always managed to feel like 12 and if you worked in a hotel you could kiss goodbye to any semblance of a regular sleep schedule.

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3. Trying to make plans with friends is a nightmare.

‘Ah yes I’ll be free on Tuesday of next month between 3-5pm or else I can meet you sometime next year’.

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4. People expect you to do EVERYTHING for them.

‘Would you mind watching my child while I take this phone call?’ ‘It’s not really part of my job’ ‘THANK YOU’.

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5. There’s no fear quite like a 2 year getting a hold of a croissant.

More of it ends up on the floor then in their actual mouth.

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 6. You quickly learn what a good pair of shoes really is.

And your mother was right, it doesn’t matter how cheap or pretty they are, if you can’t stand up in them for 8 hours a day, it’s not worth it. Just go to Clarks.

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7. You can spot a complainer a mile off.

You continue to have the radar equivalent to that of a submarine for the ‘Can I speak to your manager?’ and more importantly, you know how to deal with them which ignore them entirely. Alternatively scream back ‘THE NECCCCCCCCCK OF YOU’.

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8. You can still recite the orders of your regulars even though you stopped working in the place 2 years ago.

‘One pulled pork panini, no sauce with a side of fries and no dressing on the side salad and a decaf cappuccino with no chocolate’.

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9. You still like to show off how many plates you can carry now and again.

Nothing like a good family dinner to show off that you can still carry 3 or 4 plates at once because you were just THAT good.

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10. You always, always tip.

You remember the indignation of a big table not tipping you when you’d pretty much broken yourself for them. We have to have each other’s backs lads.

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11. Crying children is an eternal mood.

There is no better contraceptive than a screaming child in a small restaurant. You’re either cursing them or relating to them entirely.

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12. Seeing cutlery gives you flashbacks.

Just piles and piles of unpolished cutlery that represented another hour of work after you’d closed. There’d always be more but somehow, never enough teaspoons.

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13. You have had *that* contactless conversation at least 4 million times.

‘The contactless is great isn’t it? But you’d want to be careful, good thing there’s a limit or else I’d have no money left!’

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