“WHEN WE REMEMBER we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.”

Not our words, the words of Mark Twain. So if that’s to be believed, then weird news binds us together not only as a society – but as human beings. If you’re feeling a little less than human this gorgeous Saturday morning, then help is at hand.

DailyEdge.ie has scooped up all the weird news and is ready to let it trickle through our fingers. Stand by.

A doughnut shop in Massachusetts is refusing to sell doughnuts. A licence was granted for the chain, Honey Dew Donuts, to open up in the city’s new YMCA. However, because of that organisation’s emphasis on physical fitness, no doughnuts will be sold – with the shop instead concentrating on coffee, low-fat muffins, salads, sandwiches, that kind of thing. Although, according to Honey Dew’s website, its low-fat muffins contain more calories and sugar than many of their doughnuts. Oh, the irony. So sweet and delicious. Mmm. (AP)

In science news, an implant allowed one monkey to use its thoughts to control the limbs of a sedated “avatar” monkey. The achievement has been heralded a step towards allowing people with spinal cord injuries to regain control of their paralysed limbs. Monkey think, monkey do. GEDDIT? (IFL Science)

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Chaos reigned in Stockholm as thousands were called to the job office by mistake. Police had to disperse a crowd of angry job-seekers outside an employment exchange after it called 61,000 people for a recruitment meeting by accident. “Something has gone wrong with the mailing list,” said Clas Olsson, acting director of the office, stating the blind bloody obvious. “When we got there it was very crowded and there were some upset feelings,” Police Inspector Ulf Lindgren reported. Upset feelings! Putting it mildly there, Ulf? (Reuters)

A street called “Bellenden Gardens” in Edinburgh shaped like a man’s, er, member has been named Britain’s smuttiest place to live. A study has found that living on a road with a rude name knocks an average of £84,000 off the asking price of a property. Other contenders on the list included Crotch Crescent and Minge Lane. Imagine ordering a takeaway. No one would take you seriously. NIGHTMARE. (Mirror)

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A man was arrested in Chicago for cooking meth – while wearing a Breaking Bad tee-shirt. The man was wearing a top based off the restaurant chain in the series, Los Pollos Hermanos. Cook County Sheriff’s office reported finding beakers, burners, chemicals and instructional materials for making controlled substances in Daniel Kowalski’s home. They also found 12 jars of mushrooms, because why the hell not, right Danny? Right, bitch. (DailyEdge.ie)

A Dublin woman is suing her local pub after a mishap at an Ann Summers party, the Irish Times reports. The woman claims she injured her ribs when she was knocked down diving to grab a prize described as “a ring that goes around a certain part of a man”. She denied she had tried to take a chicken curry dish, provided as part of the night by the pub, before her turn. “I never did nothing to no curry,” she said. The incident occurred after a game involving bursting balloons between bodies, and before a performance by the “Hunks of Desire” male stripper troupe. The woman was treated for her injuries in hospital on the night in question. (Irish Times)

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Hey you! Yes, you. You! Spotted any wacky news in your local area? Let us know on fiona@dailyedge.ie pretty please. Share the wealth!

It’s all the previous mad happenings across the globe, compiled in delicious bite-size chunks>