WELLNESS GURUS, it’s time to step up and take responsibility for what you have wrought. We’re not buying it.
1. A handful of almonds is a filling snack
Please tell that to our rumbling tummies.
2. But not just the plain almonds from the pack. They must be ‘activated’
Some people believe that by soaking almonds in water for 12 hours, your body receives the full benefit of the nutrients in them. We believe this is ridiculous.
3. Cauliflower can make a convincing pizza base
Just don’t eat pizza if you don’t want to eat pizza. Don’t desecrate it like this.
4. And a great substitute for rice
What has poor old rice ever done to you?
5. ‘Courgetti’ is just like pasta
*puts head in hands*
6. A single square of good quality dark chocolate is a delicious treat
Though it’s true, one square will be enough – and that’s because, as this tweet so succinctly puts it:
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7. And cacao nibs are better than chocolate chips
*clings to Dairy Milk and never lets go*
8. Protein bars taste like anything other than protein powder
The cookies and cream on the packet are LIES.
9. Bee pollen is a store cupboard essential
Leave the bees out of this. They’ve gone through enough.
10. And savoury mince is an ideal breakfast
That’s it. We give up. We officially live in a dystopia.
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