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HOW TO SIGN off your emails? It’s a tricky decision, which requires careful consideration and judgement to attain *exactly* the right balance of professionalism and passive aggression.

For your assistance, we’ve compiled this handy guide to what YOUR email signature is saying about YOU:

All the best: I’m deeply uncomfortable writing work emails, hence my forced cheeriness.

Best for now: You’re deeply uncomfortable, because I’m being threatening for no reason.

Best: I’m too busy and important to be uncomfortable, ever. KEYSTROKES ARE MONEY.

No signoff, just a name: I saw you digging into my butter out of the office fridge, you shameless gobsheen.

Sage Ross Sage Ross

Regards: Look, I haven’t got time to pretend I’m enjoying this.

Kind regards: As above, but with a large invoice attached.

Best regards: As above, but I’m really trying to sugar-coat it.

Warmest regards: As above, and also: you’re fired.

Kindest regards: F*** you.

Wikimedia Commons Wikimedia Commons

God bless: This is the first email I’ve ever sent / I am your mother / all of the above.

Cheers: I am still cool even though I work in an office. Please believe me. My sensible shoes are not the whole story.

Warmly: If we met in person, my handshake would be soft and slightly damp.

Best wishes: On some level, I pity you.

With every good wish: I literally could not care whether you lived or died.

Plutor Plutor

Yours in [insert industry]: Just reminding you what I actually do, because you’ll need convincing to accept the enormous bill I’ve attached.

Slán: I’m very proud of my one word of Irish.

x: Either this was an incredibly embarrassing mistake, or I work in PR.

xoxoxox: I am the kind of person who leaves meaningless Post-It messages in the middle of your computer screen / we are having an affair / both.

Thanks: Die. 

More: Look around your office… can you identify these 9 people?>

Warmest, kindest regards to everyone who helped out on Twitter, including @aoiph, @adamprincebilly, @BlueCorpse, @_chrisjones_, @Donal_OKeeffe, @jarsofshine, @jeannedesutun, @joecarlyle, @sineadkeogh and @warrenswords. XOXOXOX.