1. “I’m not going to Mass this year.”
Translation: I will reluctantly go to Mass, but only after my mother gives me the Won’t You Go To Mass For Your Poor Mother? talk and my father gives me the Don’t Be Starting Arguments At Christmas stare.
2. “I just went out for a few drinks with the girls last night.”
Translation: I basically gave myself prosecco poisoning and am shocked that I’m standing here talking to you, to be honest.
3. “I’m sure I’ll see you over Christmas!”
Translation: If we bump into each other, well and good, but please don’t force me to commit to seeing you. And don’t even dream of messaging me on Facebook.
4. “I’m going to take it easy at the Christmas party this year.”
Source: Medieval Reactions/Twitter
Translation: I won’t take my tie off and wrap it around my head like I did last year.
5. “Em, I don’t really know what I want for Christmas this year.”
Translation: What I really want is an envelope full of cash, but I know that’s rude to ask for, so I’ll take whatever I can get.
6. “I’m planning on getting my Christmas shopping out of the way nice and early this year.”
Translation: I will wait until December 23rd to start my shopping and when I get too overwhelmed by it all, I’ll just give up and buy everyone a One4All voucher.
7. “I think One4All vouchers are the best present, actually.”
Translation: Please don’t accuse me of being lazy or thoughtless. I was just stressed, I swear.
8. “Mam, I’m going to come home tomorrow instead, because it’s just more practical.”
Translation: Mam, I smell like drink and I don’t want you to lose any respect for me, so it’s best for both of us if I don’t come home until tomorrow.
9. “I’m not the biggest fan of Fairytale of New York now.”
Translation: I will be the one throwing my arms around you roaring, “You were handsome, you were pretty, Queen of New York City” on December 19th and accusing you of being no craic when you don’t join in.
10. “I won’t have a mince pie, I’m absolutely stuffed.”
Translation: In the 27 years I’ve been alive, I have never eaten a mince pie and I don’t know how you don’t know that yet.
COMMENTS (2)