YOU’RE ON A night out with your friend and they’re mad for the shift – so you know one thing will inevitably happen.
That’s right – you’re the designated wingman/wingwoman for the night. It’s a universal role, spanning the sexes, that has existed as long as the shift has. And there are some things you just have to put up with:
1. You’ll have to encourage them to randomly chat to people
It’s either going to be great craic to watch the car crash of awkward flirting or they might get on and a potential shifting situation is on the cards. Win win for you as a trusted wingperson. Enthusiasm goes a long way:
2. Awkwardly chatting to their friends will make up 75% of your night
Right up there on the priority list for any wingman. It doesn’t matter how boring they are – you have to keep them distracted so that some actual flirting can take place. It’s all on you.
3. You will have an expert knowledge of your friend’s type
And can give a dismissive shake of the head when one suitor comes up who you know they will hate. A true bond.
4. You’ll have the sneaky under-the-table text to each other mastered
5. You will have to try so hard not to tell that mortifying anecdote about your friend
“Yes, yes, it’s a gas anecdote but NOT NOW,” you repeat in your head over and over.
The last thing you want to do is ruin their reputation.
6. There is no escaping the awkwardness that everyone knows what is happening
“Two people are in this group and will probably shift later. The rest of us are merely silence-fillers.”
7. It doesn’t matter if you don’t want to dance, it’s not your choice
If that’s where the action is, you’ll inevitably have to join your friend on the dancefloor because sending them there alone is just cruel.
8. When the group inevitably decides to go to a really bad nightclub, you have to go too
No sliding off home at 11pm. You’re in it for as long the hint of possible romance/the shift is in the air – that’s the hand you’ve been dealt. It might end up with you being in a questionable nightclub at 3am, but those are the struggles of winging it.
9. When your friend gets the shift though, the whole table is like
You were all in it together. You all played your part.
10. And the next morning you’re desperate to hear all the news
You thought you didn’t care, but you do.
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You’re not a gossip, you’re just emotionally invested in your friend’s shift because you had their back the whole time. Best friend game: strong.
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