IF YOU WORK in any kind of business which holds regular meetings, you will undoubtedly know that they are hellish.

Here is why.

The pointlessness

Why are you having this meeting?  You’re not sure.  Someone must know… oh, wait, they don’t.

Frequently no one knows the real reason a meeting was called, so you end up having a meeting to figure out why you should have another meeting.

Great.

The timing

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Let’s have a meeting at 5pm!  Great idea!  That way we can all be here well after it’s time to go home!

The lickarse

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There’s always someone who decides to seize the moment to show off.

Oh yes, please, ask another enthusiastic question which has already been answered.  You’re so interested.  SO INTERESTED.

The messing

Ordinarily you’re up for a laugh, but when you’re in a meeting all you can think about is the fact that you’ve got loads of work to do before you leave the office.

You’re definitely not going to have time to stalk your ex on Facebook now.

The tangents

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You started out talking about your paper supplier but now you’re somehow exchanging hilarious stories about your real life encounters with leprechauns.

HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN?

The glass walls

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Whoever decided that making new office buildings have meeting rooms with glass walls has a lot to answer for.  You think you’ve got a good spot with your back to the wall, but unfortunately, anyone walking by can see that you’re playing Candy Crush.

Thanks a lot, architects.

The questions

You’ve spent the last 20 minutes day dreaming about ways to take down the lickarse when suddenly everyone’s looking at you.  You’ve been asked a question, that much you know, but you have no idea what it was about.

Thanks a lot, lickarse.  Foiled again.

The warmth

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Everywhere else in the office is ice cold, but in this, the room where you’re in danger of falling asleep anyway, the heat is cranked up.

You might as well have taken a sleeping tablet before you walked in.

The buzzwords

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There’s always someone who decides that their strategy for looking good is to use a load of buzzwords that mean nothing to anyone.  All you can do is nod and feign interest.

What a jerk.

‘Any ideas?’

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Does anyone ever have an answer for that question?  No.  It’s just a cue for awkward shuffling and the avoidance of eye contact.

The notepads

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Everyone brings them, no one writes anything down.

The delay tactics

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Someone in the meeting doesn’t want to go back to work, in fact, they’d be happy for this meeting to last until home-time, so they ask questions.  Lots and lots of questions.

Pointless questions.

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