1. The bridesmaid who is literally on her last nerve so don’t you actually dare
She was stuffing flip flops into little drawstring bags until 2am. Just don’t.
2. The family member who looks like they’d rather die than read that Prayer of the Faithful
Look, same. But pull it together man!
3. The ‘kindly aunt’ who asks when you intend to get married
Oh, y’know, I’ve actually pledged myself to the Dark Lord. We will wed when he finally rises and the earth is purged of all who are not loyal to him. Yourself?
4. The child who will not allow themselves to be overshadowed
He needs to go to the TOILET. The couple is declaring their love for each other on the altar but little Odhran needs to do his poo RIGHT NOW.
4. The woman with the HEEEUUUGE fascinator. Like massive
Guess what? You’re sitting right behind her for the Mass bit. Guess what else? There’s a feather hanging off it that threatens to hit you in the face every time she moves.
8. The groomsman who didn’t know the one that was one too many
He’s telling you a story. You thought you had the gist, but now he’s crying, so you just nod along.
9. And the one with a speech that just keeps going and going
*feebly pushes the glass of fivers to the next person at the table*
10. The lads who try to scoop you into their ‘dancing’ circle
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You’re under a sweaty oxter until the end of You Shook Me All Night Long and there is nothing you can do about it.
11. And the cousin who keeps pushing Jagerbombs into your paws
Oh, you don’t hate them now. But you will. You will.
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