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Dublin: 1 °C Monday 6 January, 2025

What is Vladimir Putin doing in Portarlington?

You wouldn’t want to steal this lad’s seat.

THERE’S A SEAT reserved for a very important person on the train from Portarlington this afternoon.

Sinead Ryan says: “It’ll be an interesting journey!”

@SineadRyan @SineadRyan

The question is, will he show up?

Read: Mr Tayto’s stumbling Australian television debut is magnificent>

More: The poshest birth announcement ever appeared in a newspaper this morning>

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    Mute Barbara O' Connor
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    Mar 28th 2014, 9:33 PM

    That has to be without a doubt the best comment I have ever read. Well done Morgan Freeman

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    Mute Frank Mc Carthy
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    Mar 28th 2014, 5:06 PM

    Valdimir Putin would be a lot more welcome in Portarlington than that other evil War Mongering BOZO from across the Atlantic.

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    Mute Morgan Freeman
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    Mar 28th 2014, 5:59 PM

    Actually, during the 1993 filming of the now famed ‘Into The West’ an undercover agent tracking the movement of Tom Cruise was strangled behind The railway bar in Portarlington. The agent turned out to be a senior member of the KGB and a close ally and personal friend of Putin, some say they were lovers. With the Irish government silent on the details of who the man was and with the crime scene report swept under the carpet it was left to Putin to solve the case. He has spent his life looking to find the murderer.

    In 1994, Boris Yeltsin was sent by Putin to Ireland under strict instructions to find the murderer and bring him back to Russia. Yeltsin, on entering irish airspace instructed the plane to fly over Laois where he parachuted in under the cover of dawn. Within hours he had a lead. Following the shadows in mountmellick led him to discover an underground bunker from where the secrets of the world were collected. A treasure trove of lies, secrets, truths and evidence of overwhelming clarity of every kind of conspiracy there ever was… then nothing. Drugged and beaten Yeltsin awoke on his place with no memory of how he got there and only a scattered idea of what he had seen. Subsequent KGB attempts to find the bunker in the following days proved fruitless.

    Putin was enraged but also confused and tormented. “Mother Russia will crush Laois” he proclaimed to the nation but that remains unseen. Over the years he covertly visited Ireland, investigating and digging. The evidence became less and less. his former lover a fading memory, a slow heartbeat with one less tear every day. The world carried on and Putin became more recognisable. he couldn’t do his work and so the mystery remained a mystery.

    That was until 2 days ago. A phone call, from ireland. “you’re my bear hugger” he whispered before being cut off. Flashing memories, images, smells, love, life, youth. It all flooded back. “IT’S HIM” Putin shouted. “IT’S HIIIMMMM”.

    Then he booked a train ticket.

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    Mute eoin lee
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    Mar 28th 2014, 6:21 PM

    Excellent work, bravo Morgan Freeman, bravo.

    21
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